Big Girls Don't Cry
by Chisicet
Summary: She heard a song that made her think on some things and it helped her move on. Complete as of now!


**Hey guys, ok, first off, I don't own any characters and I don't like Fergie. I heard this song on the radio and thought of this for the past few days, it didn't turn out like I wanted, but it's still better than some other things I've come up with. I hope you like it and ENJOY! Please Read, Review, and let me know what you think, please n thank you!**

* * *

><p>Her computer was open and playing songs from a new station she made on her Pandora list. These songs were some she knew from when she lived in America and reminded her of home, before Paris. One song came on that made her stop her hand over the paper she was sketching a new building design on. One song that brought back memories of a month ago, a long month, one she wishes she hadn't ever had. One full of heartache and headaches, sorrow and regret.<p>

_The smell of your skin lingers on me now_

_You're probably on your flight back to your home town_

_I need some shelter of my own protection, baby_

_To be with myself and centerClarity, peace, serenity_

She remembered when he first left her, how he kissed her forehead and smiled at her before turning and climbing into a car, driving off before he did something that would be a mistake, but one they both wanted to make. He drove off and she stood there, still feeling him, still smelling his scent on her and before she could break down she went back inside, straight to her bed and cried. She cried until she ran out of tears, where she just sobbed until a black, dreamless sleep overcame her.

_I hope you know, I hope you know_

_That this has nothing to do with you_

_It's personal, myself and I_

_We've got some straightenin' out to do_

She missed him dearly, but a lot of her problem had been that she'd let herself get close to someone, again. She did that once and was in a state much like this, but this time, it was worse. She felt worse, it took her longer to get over it, though, if she had to admit to it, she wasn't over him, never would be. She knew that he was hers and she was his, but because of the line of job's they wanted to go for they couldn't stay together. Though he had mentioned that she could do both, she disagreed.

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket_

_But I've got to get a move on with my life_

_It's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cry_

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_

One night she pulled out a photo album and sat staring at the pictures, letting the nostalgia over come her as she looked at the pictures of her as a baby. Her orange and red blanket cradling her arm as she ran from a room to chase someone. Her in middle school, same blanket covering part of her on her bed as she lay, asleep, with her sketch pad open and her hand still poised to move. She sighed and went through the rest of the pictures, the last one of her and him, a new recent one he'd put in there before he left.

_The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone_

_I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown_

_Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?_

_And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay_

She knew that if she went with him on other jobs that one day he or she would be killed for certain and she didn't want that, didn't want to lose him like Dom had lost Mal. Not to the dreams. She knew that letting him leave her here to continue her life, well, she knew she'd never love again and without him, she was ok with that. She didn't want to love again, she wanted to walk through her life alone because she couldn't have him and it killed her inside over that month to know that.

_I hope you know, I hope you know_

_That this has nothing to with you_

_It's personal, myself and I_

_We've got some straightenin' out to do_

She sighed and turned to look out the window before getting up and walking over to it, crossing her arms over herself and leaning against the frame. She watched people moving around down on the street and she stared out at the buildings at the structures and colors and the up at the setting sun. The sun was the same orange and red as her blanket, but it had a dark purple color in it as well. That's how her life was going, red and orange, vibrant and alive to dark and lifeless, cold on the inside and she didn't care.

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket_

_But I've got to get a move on with my life_

_It's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cry_

Two months after she'd heard the song on the radio she was different. She wasn't the same person as when she'd been heartbroken. The song kicked her in the right direction, she had to move on and become a 'big girl'. She straightened out her life and got back to classes and more or less appeared to have moved on, or rather, back to what she was before the dream job. She scoffed at that idea, some dream job, she wishes it were that instead of the nightmare it had been. She still missed him though.

_Like the little school mate in the school yard_

_We'll play jacks and Uno cards_

_I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine_

_Valentine_

They had stayed together for a good while after the job, until the next May, where he had been contacted for another job, one she wasn't needed for and she wouldn't have gone either. They'd talked about it and that's when they decided that they couldn't stay together, he had even cried some that night, for he had to leave her and the new life he had settled into, the new people he'd met and go back into what he knew, and on some strange level, loved. She didn't mind now so much, she'd had her time with him.

_Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to_

_'Cause I want to hold yours too_

_We'll be playmates and lovers_

_And share our secret worlds_

While they were together they had often gone under together, so they could dream, and still be together. They never fell into Limbo, her having been the only one of the two to have gone down there. She didn't want to go back, for the memories of what happened would haunt them there. She made new buildings and their projections left them be, no matter who's subconscious filled the space. That was how close they got to each other, that even their subconscious was comfortable with each other, no secrets anymore.

_But it's time for me to go home_

_It's getting late, dark outside_

_I need to be with myself, and center_

_Clarity, peace, serenity_

It was almost another year before she saw him again, and she wishes she hadn't. Her chest constricted and as much as she wanted to run from him she was stuck, and as he approached her, she felt lost. They manage to have lunch, and hang out long enough to have dinner as well. When it's dark outside somehow they managed to end up at his apartment and before she goes up she stops herself. She tells him she must go and when he asks she just shrugs, turns and leaves without a backwards glance, leaving it behind.

_I hope you know, I hope you know_

_That this has nothing to do with you_

_It's personal, myself and I_

_We've got some straightenin' out to do_

When she gets home, she steps inside and the memories of him being there hit her hard, she sits on her couch and cries, but before long there are arms wrapping around her and she can't help but curl into him. She knows he shouldn't be there, for her peace of mind, but right now, even as the cause, he's the answer. When she's done crying she stands, wipes her eyes and smiles at him. She knows what she has to do and doesn't like it, but it's what has to be done. He leaves that night for good and she doesn't cry.

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket_

_But I've got to get a move on with my life_

_It's time to be a big girl now_

_And big girls don't cry_

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_

She sighs as she puts a box down, bringing a hand up she wipes the sweat off her brow and looks around the room. Smiling as she acknowledges that here, in this new place, there is no more him, no more them and she can finally move on. She doesn't have to worry about him anymore and he said he understood, but she knew she hurt him this time. She felt justified and hardly felt guilty about it, even though she knows she will always wish he was there with her, she knows it's for the best that he's not.

* * *

><p><strong>Please don't forget to review, I want to know, what you think of what happens. I know I could have gone further into detail with it, but I think it's fine as is. Detail could be left for later chapters? That's up to those who review! Have a great one! -Elf<strong>


End file.
